Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
