I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
