As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
