For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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