can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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