Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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