So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
