I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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