Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
