A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
