can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
