how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
