I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
