Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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