Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
