You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
