pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
