RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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