My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
where are my eyebrows?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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