I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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