Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
