We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
