I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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