Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
