So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
