Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize