You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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