i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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