You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
