jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
