I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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