I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
