he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
