The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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