96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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