If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
