we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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