That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
