I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
