2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're completely useless in the revolution.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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