Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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