So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
