tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
