Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize