I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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