They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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