Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
