The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
