He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
