if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
