No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
