I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
