Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

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(469): View more from Texas

Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

Fav 7 3269 1055
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(254): View more from Texas

I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

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(856): View more from New Jersey

And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated

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(913): View more from Kansas

Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..

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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol

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(719): View more from Colorado

My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.

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