My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
