did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
