so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
