he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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