went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
