i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
