I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
