Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
