well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
