My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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