Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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