I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
