I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
