Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
