so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
