Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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