Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
