He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So much rum. So many feels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
