He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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