please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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