discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
