My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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