Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
