I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
