The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
