Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
